Pixar's ‘Onward' is Practically Unwatchable [Review]

Will I eventually fully review Pixar’s 22nd feature-length film? Maybe, but I’m here to tell you to lower those expectations down a notch for “Onward.” It’s most certainly not an emotional knockout like, say, “Up” or “Toy Story 3,” nor is it as indelibly original as “WALL-E” or “Inside Out,” no, if anything, it belongs more in lower-tier “Good Dinosaur”-level quality, which means it’s disposable and utterly forgettable.

The story, a real thumper, is excruciatingly familiar to sit through. Ian, voiced by “Spider-Man” Tom Holland, is the 16-year-old protagonist of the film, a friendless loner whose Mom (Julia Louis-Dreyfuss) is growing more worried, especially since he’s had to grow up without a dad for most of his childhood. At least he has older brother Barley (Chris Pratt) by his side, even if he can a bit distracted to even care, especially since he uses his free time from a College gap year to get hooked on role-playing games like “Quests of Yore.” “Onward” is about these two elvish teens trying to have one more conversation with their late father by going on a magical “quest”.

This ultimately gets director Dan Scanlon to explore father/son themes and infuse his story with wizardry, witchcraft, magic, and sorcery, if you’re not already bored then this movie might be for you. You also get centaurs, trolls, ogres, elves, flying unicorns, and fire-breathing dragons — all blended in with some fine looking animation which, mind you, isn’t helped by the bland-looking characters. There’s also a nice, warm emotional payoff at the very end, but it’s a real slog getting there.

The movie also demands nearly two hours of your time, but barely has any of the wit, originality or narrative drive of the very best Pixar can offer. And so, this may not be Pixar’s worst movie, but it comes pretty damn close to achieving that shameful honor (the almost unwatchable “Cars 2” and “Cars 3” take the cake for me).

The good news is that it looks as though Pixar is done with the sequels, for now. “Onward” is their first non-sequel movie since 2017’s wildly colorful and exuberant paean to Mexican culture ‘Coco.” Another original, “Soul,” is set to be released by the toon company this summer and is said to be the better of their two 2020 releases. However, you do have to wonder if Pixar has lost its edge. Their dive into the business of sequels has watered down their reputation these last few years. Every sequel they have released, except for Toy Story 2 and 3, lacked the imagination and originality of their predecessors. It’s a good thing that they are steering far and away from those, but a little more storytelling originality would have helped “Onward.” [C-]