Judd Apatow Really Hates Tom Cruise

Clearly, Judd Apatow has something against Tom Cruise. The comedian’s opening monologue during this past weekend’s Directors Guild of America was filled with nasty jokes directed towards the actor.

Sure, the Scientology stuff is easy to make fun of. The cult, religion, whatever you want to call it, has been a target of comedians for many decades now, but Apatow didn’t just stop at Scientology.

I have no idea if Cruise and Apatow have a bad history, but the jokes fell flat because they were written in a way that felt more like some kind of vendetta rather than comedy. It made me wonder if Cruise had purposely stepped on Apatow’s foot or hit his dog.

Apatow, the filmmaker behind “Knocked Up” and “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” had a monologue filled with vitriolic and personal attacks. For example, the host mocked Cruise’s height, or lack thereof.

“The special effects in ‘Maverick’ were so top notch, I couldn’t even see the stack of phone books Tom Cruise sat on to reach the flight controls.”

Then he brought up that infamous moment when Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch in 2006.

“Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up and down on the couch and we all thought, ‘What a lunatic!’ … And now he rides a motorcycle off a cliff and BASE jumps and we’re all like, ‘Tom’s fine!’”

“Tom is not fine. Someone needs to explain to him something called CGI. You’re 60. Calm down. But every time he does one of these new stunts, it does feel like an ad for Scientology. I mean, is that in Dianetics? Because there’s nothing about jumping off a cliff in the Torah.”

Yes, Judd, while watching “Top Gun: Maverick” I definitely had a sudden urge to join a cult. Apatow’s monologue then took an even weirder turn next.

“The only thing he seems to be afraid of is co-parenting and antidepressants … I doubled my Prozac today just for this. I doubled it! Do you think if Tom Cruise took antidepressants, he’d be like, ‘I’m not jumping out of a f***ing cliff. I’m rich!’”

I haven't heard of Cruise promoting scientology in over two decades. Why draw attention to it now? Because he scored a major hit with the new ‘Top Gun’ movie that got audiences back into movie theaters?

Meanwhile, Apatow could have easily been the butt of plenty of jokes, especially after releasing his Ed Wood-worthy pandemic travesty, “The Bubble.” Remember that one?

Let’s also not forget that Apatow actually defended Hollywood over Ricky Gervais’ Golden Globes monologue? Gervais was one of the best awards show hosts I had ever seen, mostly because he managed to nail the hypocrisy of the industry. I guess since Apatow is a hypocrite himself, he wasn’t that amused.

Apatow, a fervent, almost fanatical Woody Allen hater, now makes a living virtue signaling on social media. Maybe that’s why his Twitter account is always nauseating to read. Remember, he just laughed along when Busy Phillips was being physically assaulted by James Franco, and then he got real quiet when she called him out on it. Whoops.

Don’t forget this is the same man who has a knack for producing and directing films about dumb, sexually lecherous men who manipulate women into bed. And you’re telling me he has a squeaky clean past? Careful Judd, everyone's skeletons find their way out of their closets.

Meanwhile, Cruise took a hard stance on not allowing streaming to fully take over the industry, for now, and making sure his movie came out in theaters. Of course his Scientology background is sketchy as hell, but Cruise seems to be keeping his private life private these days.

The fact of the matter is that if you talk to anyone who has worked with Cruise, they’ll tell you that he is the most professional guy in the room. People love working with him on film sets.

Cruise is someone who is absolutely dedicated to his craft and singlehandedly is saving the big-budget film industry from becoming solely a CGI comic book movie machine. Meanwhile, Apatow hasn’t made a good movie in years, and the quality of his films cratered when it became clear that he was creatively emptied out.