Has the ‘Fast and Furious’ Franchise Ever Been Good?

Yes, the ninth installment in the “Fast & Furious” franchise will be a very popular movie for the low-IQ movie crowd and they tend to show up in droves to watch these movies. The lures of this never-ending franchise has always been the fast cars, but “The French Connection,” “Death Proof,” “Drive,” “Bullit,” “Ronin,” or even “Baby Driver” this is not.

Vin Diesel and company are back for “F9” and I honestly couldn’t care less about it. There will be big guns, big muscle, big cars and, really, just big everything because this is America and it’s go big or go home. This ninth chapter will also, I’m just guessing here, end with a big family barbecue where the whole cast is gathered together as the camera slowly rises to the clouds.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jason Statham won’t be returning for this new sequel. Vin Diesel, who played the other bald team member in the franchise, is back. In fact, Diesel is the only actor that has been in every ‘Furious’ movie since the franchise began in 2001 with “The Fast and the Furious”. He just loves this shit, and why wouldn't he? The 53-year-old actor gets payed $20 million a pop for every one of these bad boys. He will be joined by regulars Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Jordana Brewster, Nathalie Emmanuel, Charlize Theron, and … Helen Mirren?

Universal probably figured May was too early a date to make maximum profits in theatres, what with science experts not really knowing, despite speedy vaccine rollouts, when the virus will slow down and things could go back to some kind of “normal”. And so, “F9” will be released on June 25th. It has a whopping 145 minute runtime. Reviews from advanced screenings started trickling in this past week and it’s made me anticipate this one even less. It currently has a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes and 53 on Metacritic.

I’ve seen the eight previous films and only moderately liked 2011’s “Fast Five,” the rest were as bland, overstylized and empty as Vin Diesel’s acting.