Guy Ritchie’s “Fountain of Youth” has finally arrived on Apple TV+, and it hasn’t been smooth sailing.
Despite a bloated $200M budget and the glossy sheen of John Krasinski and Natalie Portman playing bickering siblings on a myth-hunting world tour, the film critically landed with a thud. It sits at 37% on Rotten Tomatoes and 41 on Metacritic.
On IMDb, “Fountain of Youth” is clinging to a 5.8/10, making it Ritchie’s second-lowest rated film to date — a dubious honor just ahead of the cinematic disaster that was “Swept Away,” which still reigns supreme at a grim 3.6/10. Across the board, “Swept Away” remains the gold standard of what-not-to-do, while “Fountain of Youth” and “Revolver” are now locked in a close race for the silver medal in disappointment.
Billed as an adventure epic in the spirit of Indiana Jones and National Treasure, is being described as a clunky mashup of clichés, soulless banter, and action sequences edited like someone spilled Red Bull on the timeline.
Critics haven’t held back either — The Times UK dismissed it as a “poorly executed Indiana Jones knock-off,” while The Guardian twisted the knife, calling it a “soulless business-class yarn,” which, frankly, feels generous.
But the real plot twist? This big-budget behemoth didn’t even bother with a theatrical release, opting instead to quietly slide onto Apple TV+ like it’s trying to sneak past audiences before word gets out. When you pour $200M into a film and still decide it’s safer to hide it behind a paywall, that’s not strategy — that’s damage control. It’s also part of Ritchie’s recent habit of sidestepping box office accountability, following the lukewarm reception of “The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.”
This is another cautionary tale about what happens when a streamer throws a ton of money at an empty script and hope A-list stars and nostalgia can do the heavy lifting. Spoiler: they can’t.