11:35 pm — CODA wins Best Picture. What a total shitshow this ceremony was. For the first time in years, I don’t regret having watched the Oscars.
11:27 pm — Jessica Chastain gets her Oscar for a performance that wouldn’t even rank in her own personal top 5. Although well-meaning, the speech she delivers includes almost every Oscar acceptance speech cliche in the book (orphans, suicide, depression, war, inclusivity).
11:22 pm — Amy Schumer: “I was changing costumes. Did I miss anything? The vibe seems to have changed.” Funny.
11:15 pm — Will Smith wins Best Actor. Gets a standing ovation. Sobs on-stage. Doesn’t apologize for what he did. This can only happen in Hollywood …
11:00 pm — Jane Campion wins Best Director and, yes, I’m still shocked by Smith’s on-stage assault of Rock.
10:36 pm — Nice 50th anniversary tribute to The Godfather with Francis Ford Coppola, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro.
10:30 pm — What in the living hell is wrong with Will Smith? The guy can’t take a joke?! It’s been a rough year for the Smiths.
10:16 pm — Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons look pretty miserable right about now.
10:03 pm — Sian Heder, the writer and director of “Tallulah,” wins Adapted Screenplay.
10:01 pm — Woah, Kenneth Branagh wins Original Screenplay over PTA.
9:59 pm — The Oscars honored the 15th anniversary of “Juno.” Want to bet they will completely ignore “No Country For Old Men,” “Zodiac,” and “There Will Be Blood”?
9:58 pm — Wanda Sykes, Regina Hall and Amy Schumer just flat-out embarrassed themselves on-stage. Very hard to watch.
9:52 pm — I must be living under a rock because that’s the actual first time I‘ve listened to “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” Meh …
9:45 pm — The term Latinx is only used by 3% of US Hispanics, in fact most dislike the saying, but that didn’t stop John Leguizamo from uttering it onstage tonight.
9:32 pm — “Drive My Car” wins International Feature Film. The orchestra keeps trying to cut off Hamaguchi — how dare they??!
9:22 pm — Troy Kotsur wins Supporting Actor. A heart-warming acceptance speech in sign language. Kodi Smit-McPhee can’t be too happy right now, he was the frontrunner in this category for most of awards season.
9:10 pm — Incredibly dull ceremony so far. How do they expect viewers at home to stay glued for another 2 and a half hours?
8:55 pm — I guess I should probably watch “Encanto.”
8:48 pm — “Dune” wins its 6th Oscar of the evening. This time, it’s Best Special Effects.
8:41 pm — if you count the pre-ceremony Oscars, “Dune” has already won five statuettes tonight. If Villeneuve had been nominated in the director category then I’d be willing to believe it has a shot at winning Best Picture.
8:37 pm — Greig Fraser wins Best Cinematography for the ultra slick, CGI-enhanced frames in “Dune.” Not sure how Delbonnel didn’t win this one, but it was to be expected.
8:35 pm — Wesley Snipes lost A LOT of weight.
8:33 pm — Regina Hall is horny tonight. Would her one-woman shtick fly if the genders had been reversed?
8:22 pm— Ariana DeBose wins the Supporting Actress Oscar for a nothingburger performance. Five years from now, will anyone even remember her performance in “West Side Story”? Doubt it. Dunst was robbed.
8:18 pm — Schumer’s opening monologue was better than expected. Shooting nasty darts at the nominees. Much better than Sykes.
8:00 pm — Ceremony kicks off with Beyoncé. Is this the Grammys? Strange start.
5:32 pm — CODA, Campion, Smith, Cruz, Dunst, Kotsur.
4:46 pm — There are some still predicting Nicole Kidman (“Being the Ricardos”) winning Best Actress tonight. Hey, if that’s the hill you want to die on then go right ahead. Realistically, it seems to be a race between Jessica Chastain and Penelope Cruz.
4:09 pm — I’ll be live blogging the Oscars this year. Let’s all hope and pray the ceremony doesn’t go past the 3-hour mark, but, who are we kidding here? Even without the craft categories, they’ll find a way to stretch it out.